when i'm feeling good, i laugh without any concern. When i'm feeling down, i go to the balcony and look up to the sky, so it just me and the clouds or stars. When i'm feeling sad, i sing because i like to sing. But when i'm feeling empty, i write. I writing in English, becasue i don't give a damn with anything, even my English. There's no Shakespeare here, so carry on. Let me write.

Playing Una Mattina by Ludovico Einaudi for a hundred times today. My writing skills is getting worse right now. To be honest, this blog is kind of like my diary, because i know no one gonna read my word. I have to work right now, but i'm not in the mood. So i've decided to meditate my mind, and my mind said i have to write something. And suddenly i have thought about a lot of things. About my past, present, or just something in the corner of my room. And i have so much questions about anything, such as do you belive in reincarnation? what happen to dead people now? when i  died where i get burried, who's gonna cry when i died?  or personal question like am i going to find the one and get married ?. I think the answer for all of that question is I just need somone. Not just someone, but the one who i can throw my compasionate toward him without any hesitation. Someone who want to listen my boring story. Someone who want's my ugliness and my perfection. Someone who can make me feel like a natural women. This is not romance that i talk, or that 'love' thing. It just a little bit of my worries about not find the one. I'm so scared that this is something like admiring paintings in the museum and i have a million dolar to buy it, but when i have my choice i let 'em go. I just keep walking away from it, and never comeback. Such a fool, i am the person who never take somthing for granted, just like fooling around but to scared to fall. Or I just never try ?, I should stry isn't it?

i hate it when i'm doing this things. Mumbling about 'this topic' like a teenage girl. I hate it. I hate it so much. I don't know what stone did i have to bring to the top of the misty mountain. Don't take my burden away God. Just give me strenght to climb up the mountain, like everybody else did. And i just want to say that i'm feeling grateful today.